God's Heart's Desire, Sarah Grace Yang

Though I was saved and baptized by age thirteen, I do not consider to have known the Lord Jesus until the summer of 1994, following graduation from high school. I grew up knowing a lot of Bible truths, but I never really grasped God's purpose, nor knew the Lord Jesus in a subjective way. I did know however, that if something happened and my family and the other Christians around me were to disappear all of a sudden, God would be as intangible and foreign to me as the uttermost edge of the universe. During my senior year in high school this sense of emptiness, not knowing why I was a Christian, caused me to spend many hours late at night asking God all my questions. I was so confused, knowing verses in the Bible that showed the Lord Jesus was in my spirit, like 2 Timothy 4:22, but still feeling like He was miles away.

That summer I attended a conference in Southern California where Witness Lee spoke on First and Second Samuel. It was during these few days that the Lord Jesus began to open up His heart's desire to me. This brother spoke message after message focusing on what he phrased, ``God's heart's desire'' from the books of 1st and 2nd Samuel. God was seeking a man on the earth whose desire matched His. His speaking was so effective because I could sense that he was such a man. His entire speaking and his existence seemed to care only for what God was after. That was the kind of life I wanted. I made a resolution to give my life for the accomplishment of God's heart's desire and asked the Lord to reveal it to me so that it would be my revelation, not just Witnesss Lee's or any other brother or sister who preceded him.

Throughout college I continued seeking the Lord through contact with the local churches and with the help of the ministry of Watchman Nee and Witness Lee. When I considered the most outstanding experiences I have had with these brothers' ministry I realized two things: first, I am always brought to God's purpose, His point of view, in the Bible; and second, I am brought to love the Lord Jesus more and more. Growing up, I used to sing a song with a chorus that began, ``Lord we love You for Yourself, not for what You give or do,'' and I was always troubled, wondering why I didn't love Him for what He does. One night it just dawned on me that I loved Him for Himself. Even without Him I could not find life worth living. So, for the rest of my life I do not want to live for anything less than God's eternal purpose and I want to continue to pursue to know this Person in my spirit (Philippians 3:12). Why should I ever live for anything less?